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shadow of fear and insecurity

Take a hike, Shadow of Fear. You are only a memory!

Stop it!  That’s what I’m saying to myself right now. Stop jumping in fear every time you see that shadow. It is only an imitation of the real thing. It doesn’t belong to a person; it belongs to a bad memory. To a bunch of bad memories, actually.

I was minding my own business, walking down the street on a beautiful sunny day, hand in hand with my husband, when out of nowhere the shadow of fear and insecurity appeared. Just like it always does, it blocked out all the sunshine, and it made me afraid and unreasonable.  I thought it was real. I always think it’s real, but it isn’t.

I should know that by now. I mean, that same shadow has been following me around for years, darkening my world with fear and insecurity time after time. It comes when I least expect it; my heart seizes up and my confidence flees. When the shadow comes I forget what is real, and I only see the memories.

I think things like, “You’re ugly; you should lose weight; your husband likes that woman because she is thinner than you; you look disgusting; he thinks she is sexy; why can’t you be sexy; why can’t you look better; no wonder he’s not interested in you anymore.”

I have to keep telling myself that the shadow is only a memory. It is temporary , and it carries no weight. I’ve begun talk back to the shadow, saying things like, “I am beautiful; I am enough; I am lovable; I am good; I deserve to be treated with respect; and there is nothing wrong with me.”

Take a hike, shadow. You and the fear you carry are not welcome anymore.